Positive.

I'm so happy for this year! I mean, maybe it has to do with me being a year older and I've changed. Maybe it's more that I'm not seen as a freshman. Maybe it has something to do with the social dynamics this year that I like so much. I don't know. But I am sure this is going to be a good year and I can't WAIT for things to just get STARTED. blarggghH!! The first two weeks are the hardest. that's what I think. Although, it seems like the beginning of the year a lot of the times is the calm before the storm. I thought that it might last year just have been that I didn't know what was going on with peoples' lives at the beginning of the year, but now that I know everybody better, I think it's actually just that the beginning of the year brings a low tide of dramatic issues with everyone. I LIKE IT. I'M SO EXCITED FOR THIS YEAR.

Altered.

So, the first day of school.
I like my schedule, I do. I have friends in most classes and I like my teachers well enough. But math classes and I are like oil and vinegar. In my math class, the only people I know are two girls I used to be very close with in middle school. They have since lost all interesting qualities they once possessed. So, I'm stuck in a front row seat surrounded by guys I don't know and wishing I could be the person that I am when I am comfortable and in my element. Then I realized... when am I ever in my element? There is always something to worry about. And then I realized, I'm never the person I wish I could be- confident and laid back all the time, someone that doesn't have to hide behind her sarcasm when interacting with people she cares about. Someone who wishes she could describe herself as all these things in the first person instead of using the third.
But maybe we all have an alter ego we wish we could be. And only people like Beyonce actually succeed in becoming them. Mine is called Marin Costello. And everybody likes her.