Done.

"Promise me you'll never forget me, because if I thought you would I'd never leave."

-Winnie the Pooh

Nervous.

So but then what if...? And will I...? And is this...? And does he...?

I guess this is why it feels more natural to just chill out outwardly as it eats me inside.
A bruise? It's funny. It's that kind of painful where it almost feels like muscle soreness, but it stings just a little too much to feel good.
Stomach flips-just a glance at a word or a face.
The nails have some time... but if it doesn't work this time, it will be on to red, and purple won't have fulfilled the hopes associated with it.
And I'm not going to say anything. Unfortunately. Goodnight though.

Festive.

Wow. okay. I should definitely stop. NOW. Actually. This is ridiculous.

On another note-
I have a great feeling about this holiday season. :). I don't know why, but after watching Love Actually, I'm just super excited about the HOLIDAYS! Which is silly because it's prior to Halloween... but I don't know.

I've got to have my Buddha's Delight.

Trapped.

i'm stupid. die.

Held.

Enveloped in your arms, I’d love to stay forever

Promise to keep me close, and we can be together

I love the way your face looks when you’re surpirised

I love the way I feel when you compliment my eyes

There aren’t many things I want in life but you’re one I want the most

Please just don’t disappear

‘Cause I’m afraid of ghosts.

And I can feel my skin rising from my bones

And I feel scared and all alone

And I can feel the wind ripping through my hair

I look around and you’re not there.

But you don’t know, I’m singing in my bedroom about you

Look, here I am without you

And where are you now that I’d love to see your face and

How am I supposed to sleep with all this noise?

If there’s no more you can be

I just want you to hold me.

Positive.

I'm so happy for this year! I mean, maybe it has to do with me being a year older and I've changed. Maybe it's more that I'm not seen as a freshman. Maybe it has something to do with the social dynamics this year that I like so much. I don't know. But I am sure this is going to be a good year and I can't WAIT for things to just get STARTED. blarggghH!! The first two weeks are the hardest. that's what I think. Although, it seems like the beginning of the year a lot of the times is the calm before the storm. I thought that it might last year just have been that I didn't know what was going on with peoples' lives at the beginning of the year, but now that I know everybody better, I think it's actually just that the beginning of the year brings a low tide of dramatic issues with everyone. I LIKE IT. I'M SO EXCITED FOR THIS YEAR.

Altered.

So, the first day of school.
I like my schedule, I do. I have friends in most classes and I like my teachers well enough. But math classes and I are like oil and vinegar. In my math class, the only people I know are two girls I used to be very close with in middle school. They have since lost all interesting qualities they once possessed. So, I'm stuck in a front row seat surrounded by guys I don't know and wishing I could be the person that I am when I am comfortable and in my element. Then I realized... when am I ever in my element? There is always something to worry about. And then I realized, I'm never the person I wish I could be- confident and laid back all the time, someone that doesn't have to hide behind her sarcasm when interacting with people she cares about. Someone who wishes she could describe herself as all these things in the first person instead of using the third.
But maybe we all have an alter ego we wish we could be. And only people like Beyonce actually succeed in becoming them. Mine is called Marin Costello. And everybody likes her.